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Chiang Mai Pub Crawl
A Shock and Awe Campaign

Man About Town takes his duties seriously, you have to admit it. Editor suggested he take a look at a couple of Chiang Mai's pubs, and he's come up with twenty two, no less. Our advice is you cut this first instalment out and paste it on a bit of cardboard and spread the visits over a couple of months of pub-crawls. Not all of us have heads and constitutions like our correspondent, and we wouldn't want to be responsible for the state of either brains or livers if you tried to do them all in too short a space. Good luck out there, anyway! And another instalment next month, probably.

Welcome to Chiang Mai - "Rose of the North". Tonight's tour will take in some, but not all, of the city's great nightspots. The emphasis here is on "pubs" or bars, so get ready for some heady drinking action. We've also taken the word "crawl" quite literally, so all the bars are within walking/ crawling distance of each other for the benefit of visitors who have no transportation; and by the end of the night, you will most certainly be crawling and not walking. This Pub Crawl has been tried and tested by our staff - themselves no sheep when it comes to mixing it up. Sections of the Pub Crawl have been highlighted to suit backpackers or bachelor(ette) parties. Otherwise it's every man for himself. The tour starts at Chang Phuak Gate, just inside the northern side of the moat, zig-zags its way to Thapae Gate, tries gallantly to bypass the girlie bars on Loi Kroh Road, on to the Night Bazaar, and finishes with a choice of all night dancing or live music by the river. Fantastic! Let's get going!

1. Queen Victoria (252/13-14 Praproklao Road / 053-418-266/ Open daily 24 hours (!)) As good a place as any to start your pub-crawl, the Queen Victoria is one of those authentic "home-away-from-home" pubs that attracts grumbling old expat men and few others. Has good pub food, so you should have a bite here, for you've got a long night of drinking ahead of you. Victoria has John Smith's, Guinness and cider on tap and a 10% discount for group bills. (Highly recommended carvery on Sundays.)

2. Le Barfly (204/2 Ratchapakhinai Road / 089-432-578 / Open Mon- Sat: 17:00 - 24:00) Turn left out of the Queen Vic, left again at the next soi (lane 13), walk 250m to Wat Lamchang, and turn right. Le Barfly is on the other side of the street. One for those with a French disposition. A small, unassuming bar with a French-language library and French liqueurs such as Armagnac and Pastis.

3. Heaven's Beach ("the Rasta Car Park" / Open daily: 18:00 - 01:00) Keep walking along Ratchapakhinai Road for 300m and you'll see an untidy car park full of tattoo parlors, karaoke joints and reggae bars on the left hand side. There are several bars here which are always popular with dopey young female visitors. Heaven's Beach is probably the pick of the bunch, if for no other reason than you can lie down on cushions and they have a sandy floor. Live music every night helps dispel the echo of Bob Marley classics coming from every other bar.

4. The U.N. Irish Pub (24/14-1 Rajawithi Road / 053-214-554 / Open daily: 09:00 - 01:00) Zig-zag your way out of the car park and you'll find Rajawithi Road, which has a few choices: The Wall pub, Chiang Mai Saloon, (with free pool table, free air hockey and free snacks!) and the U.N. Irish Pub, where there's usually some live music or a pub quiz happening; and if you're a sports fan, you can catch all big games live.

5. Mike's Burgers (corner of Kotchasan / Chiang Moi Road / Open daily: 15:00 - 03:00) Time for a time-out. Everyone seems to love this greasy Joe's cafe and it's also a good meeting point as Mike's is one of the best-known central locations in Chiang Mai. Hot dogs, burgers and fries.

6. Santia's Grotto (Thapae Road Soi 2 / 053-234-436 / Open daily: 11:00 - 01:00) continue from Mike's down Chiang Moi (not "Mai") Road for 400m to find this cozy little cave, one of the city's best-kept secrets. Voluptuous hostess Santia welcomes everyone personally. Often has live music.

7. Inter Bar (271-273 Thapae Road / 053-276-653 / Open daily: 13:00 - 02:00). Leaving Santia's Grotto, continue along the soi until you come to Oasis 'Restopub'. If you have a motorbike you'll be delighted to know that you can park it inside the restaurant; on the other hand, if you're eating dinner you'll be disgusted. Only stop at Oasis if you can tolerate impolite service or you have a passion for Belgian beers (Leffe and Duvel). Otherwise, turn right on Thapae Road and head for the gate. On the opposite side of the street, just before the T-junction is Inter Bar, a perfect meeting place for a mini-Pub Crawl as it's very easy for visitors to find and is perhaps the only visible bar around Thapae Gate. Inter Bar is open-air and offers the dodgiest live music outside of Tennessee.

8.THC (19/4-5 Kotchasan Road / 086-729-3583 / Open daily: 17:00 - 01:00) Low-ceilinged little rooftop bar with sultry staff doing their best not to serve you. This joint is a backpackers' favourite, but if you are not a backpacker and have no desire to discover which is the cheapest guest house in Laos, then give this place a miss. Too bad, coz it's a great location. Option B is Spotlight Bar (47 Kotchasan Road / 053-276-012 / Open daily: 11:00 - 02:00) If you are on a bachelors' party, then you'll be glad you came here instead of THC. Ladies out on the town have to decide whether they want to watch chubby, lethargic hilltribes girls pole-dancing or, even better, observe how goofy men who look like your father appear when they are in the presence of half-naked schoolgirls. However, as go-go bars go, Spotlight is not intimidating and no rip-off.

9. Cozy Corner / John's Place (27 Moon Muang Road / Open daily: 12:00 - 01:00) If neither the backpackers' gaff nor the go-go bar appealed to you then just cross the road and have a drink at John's Place. This is an open-air triangle of two bars [sic] with a few telltale signs of sex for sale. In fact, bachelorettes might want to skip 9 to 12 altogether, because we are definitely entering bar-girl zone. However, you are all feeling a wee bit merry now, so you might just say To Hell With It!

10. Mad Dog (19/1 Moon Muang Road / 053-273-002 / 08:00 - 24:00) is slightly off the Pub Crawl loop, but worth it if you want to avoid the bar-girl scene. A British-style pub, well-known for its homemade pizzas.

11. Cherry Bar (Loi Kroh Road / 086-992-8400/ Open daily: 15:00 - 01:00) Loi Kroh Road - Chiang Mai's answer to Patpong - is fairly mild mannered and is friendly towards lady visitors. There are no cover charges, so feel free to stop in on at least one of the dozen or so girlie-bars which line the street.

12. Red Hot Chilli (66/4 Loi Kroh Road / 053-284-289 / Open daily: 09:00 - 12:30) Everyone still standing? Or are we crawling now? Let's keep going on down Loi Kroh Road away from the girlie bars and you'll find a selection of small bars on the right side of the street. Red Hot Chilli has imported beers, including Erdinger, Paulaner, Weihenstephaner and Beer Lao.

13. O'Malley's (149/14-15 Changklan Road / 053-271-921 / Open daily: 09:00 - 02:00) At the foot of Loi Kroh Road, you find yourself at the Night Bazaar. Try not to stagger around here too much as you might get arrested or cause an accident. Time for a choice: if you are still fairly sober, head to Anusarn Market and pop into O'Malley's, an authentic Bostonian-Irish boozer with good pub grub, comfortable seats and a selection of drafts, including Kilkenny's, Erdinger and Guinness. This pub attracts a mix of expats, families and shoppers, so it's not really the place to fall into if you are already three sheets to the wind. Better save it for a breakfast hangover and go straight to 14.

Ed. Whoa! Hold yer horses! Let's take a break and continue `crawling' next month.

(Text & Images © 2007 Colin Hinshelwood)