Chiang Mai (Northern Thailand) Tourist Guide


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Close Shave in Chiang Mai

Text: Colin Hinshelwood
Images: J.C.

No, this is not the tale of how I came to tackle a gang of sword-wielding local lads at the Winter Fair. Rather, it's more of a 'pro-mo' for the razor-wielding barbers of Siam and how you should take some time out of your busy schedule this week and go for a good shave - Thai style.

Strictly for the male audience here - we who don't generally go in for such pampering. You might find that a 20-minute visit to your local barber might be just the meditation and rest you so badly seek in the middle of a hectic day.

Now there are many in our midst, I'm sure, who will cringe at the thought of a cut-throat razor being held to their necks by some bloodthirsty Sweeney Todd-like character. Fear not, brethren! Lie back and close your eyes; bend your neck to the blade and whimper ye not! It's all quite safe.

Did you know that in days gone by, barbers were often called upon to perform surgery and extract teeth? Even Chaucer waxed lyrical about the profession: "A merry childe he was, so God we save; well could he let blood, clyppe and shave."

Such barberism-cum-dentist quackery has been somewhat outlawed since those good ol' days. It is a rare sight indeed to see the red and white pole of the barber shop nowadays, certainly in the West. However, in many parts of the world, going to the barber's for a shave is all in a good day's work.

In India, the barber will scrub your face so hard you'll think you are in a wrestling arena. In the Middle East you will leave the shop reeking of cheap cologne. In South America, they will begin by scrubbing your face with a bar of soap, and in Vietnam you might find that the barber's shop sign is simply a front for an altogether more pleasurable service indeed.

But nowhere in the world do they provide such a good shave as in Thailand. There are thousands of barbers all around the country. Simply go in and ask for a "gon nuad." (Interestingly enough, this is very similar to the Thai expression meaning 'buttocks massage', so expect the unexpected.) Hopefully, you will be invited to lie back in a chair by a demure elderly chap, who will then gently tie a white bib around your neck and shoulders.

(Now, let me just clear up the gender issue: nowadays there are many female barbers in Thailand. In a large air-conditioned barber shop next to Wat Suandok in Chiang Mai, all the barbers are women and damn fine scalpers they are too. However, as women do not shave their own faces, I am usually more at home with a man holding a knife to my throat. No offense, ladies, but would a woman know that the delicate plucking of hair from just below the nostrils will bring tears to a man's eyes? Or that a bloody nick on the neck causes no pain, whereas the after-burn of a scraping rash lasts all day?).

In any case. The chair reclines and you find yourself staring up at the ceiling while the barber affixes a fresh blade to his (or her) razor and whips up a soapy lather for your bristly visage. You now close your eyes and submit your throat to the masked madman above. He, or she, will lather your face carefully with a horse-hair brush and then, with the whistle of steel slicing delightfully down your cheeks, scrape all that nasty stubble away into the dustbin of history.

A good barber will shave downwards once and then up again. He will snare the hair that hides in the secret garden of your chin cleft; he will deftly prune the unruly wires that sprout from your nose, your ears and your eyebrows; and he will gently sandpaper the stubble on your chin and below your nostrils. And, when he's finished, he'll do it all again a second time.

For the second round, some barbers prefer to pat your face down with talcum powder (the barber's forensic duster for hunting bum-fluff). Otherwise, get ready for the next step of your journey, which is the delicate shearing of your ears, your forehead and the back of your neck. You might find this news disturbing, but it feels so darn good that you'll probably fall into a gentle sleep. Of course, in five years you'll look like a werewolf, but what the heck.

Now your entire mug is flawlessly fluffless, but dry as a desert. So your aide-de-blade should have prepared a lovely, wet, steaming hot, lemon-scented towel to wrap around your head. This is the barber's piece de resistance: a barber that does not include this service is not worth a guinea. Post-shave pampering is what it's all about. If in doubt, insist on a post-shave face spa before you begin. Pay an extra 20 baht if necessary. Otherwise, the experience is about as refreshing as rubbing your face in sand.

Anyway, assuming you have been bidden to lie back and enjoy the hot towel treatment, you should now be ready to move onto the next facial scrub. Your barber will lovingly wipe your peachy jowls down with an icy cold towel and then dab raw alcohol into any nicks in the artwork. And just in case you haven't already melted into jelly, a good barber should always finish you off with a firm massage of the head, the neck and the shoulders.

Eh voila! In only 20 minutes you are feeling soothed, content and refreshed. Your cheekbones are sculpted, your chin quite statuesque, and your perky little jowels are smoother than 100 babies' bottoms. All that for around 50 or 60 baht. Not bad - eh? There are many barber shops in Chiang Mai, but the main barbers' ghetto is on Suthep Road, just west of Wat Suandok, with at least six good barber shops all in a row. Choose one and enjoy what follows!